Tuesday, 9 April 2013


Since becoming funemployed I have tried to use the time that I have not been looking for work to see some parts of London I have not seen, read some new books and try some new experiences. One such experience that I have tried is attending the gym. Yes, I know, I am as shocked you dear reader!
Earlier in the week one of my housemates informed me that LA Fitness were offering 5 day free trial passes and that there was a gym fairly close to our flat. So, given that a. is it free and b. I have some free time I decided to give it a try. 
Now, I feel at this point it is important to note that I have never set foot in a gym in my life as working out is not really my thing, but this gym had a swimming pool and given that the local leisure centre charges £4.70 a swim and is, well, shit I decided to give it a crack.
Day One went fine, the pool was lovely, I made a new friend in the sauna who also shared my views on the condition of the local leisure centre, and the only thing to mar the experience was the news that Lady T had passed away. God rest her soul.
Day Two however was a somewhat different experience. Things began well - nice swim, bit of time in the sauna, then when I was back swimming I suddenly became aware of a lot of older ladies beginning to enter the pool and remove the rope that sections of the laned swimming. Next thing I know the pool is now full of about twenty older ladies and somehow, I still literally have no idea how this happened, I have become part of an over 60s aquaerobic class.
After several failed attempts to leave the pool and being stopped by said older ladies in brightly coloured, floral swimming caps I decided that the best thing to do was try to hide and ride it out. Things were going rather well with this plan until one of the ladies next to me informed me in a rather loud voice that caused several other ladies to turn and look at me that I was not doing the exercises properly as I had to somehow alternate my feet and hands. How on earth she noticed this through all the splashing I have no idea. Still I thanked her, explained sport was not my thing and once again tried to remain inconspicuous. Well as inconspicuous as you can when you are surrounded by twenty ladies who are a good forty years old than you and all in floral bathing caps.
My plan went well for a further five minutes until the instructor shouted out 'and jump and turn 180 degrees'. I resisted the urge to shout 'oh buggar' rather loudly as I had now managed to be at the front of the class and all of the ladies were now watching me. Luckily, for me, the instructor then asked everyone to jump back by 180 degrees and I was now at the back again and able to try to hide.
The problem that I now had was that every ten minutes or so the instructor changed the types of exercises we were doing so as to work out different parts of our bodies. After an initial gentle warm up it then moved on to the more strenuous exercises that involved a lot of jumping and clapping. The movement caused by twenty older ladies and myself jumping more or less in unison caused a lot of tidal waves that crashed over the edge of the pool knocking the grates out of places and also moving several nearby flipflops along the side of the pool. The sight of which caused me great amusement and I had to try very, very hard not to laugh each time this happened.
After about half and hour the exercises had changed again and the instructor's back was now to us so I decided to try to make a dive for the steps and run off and hide in the nearby steam room. Sadly, once again my path mysteriously became blocked by some of the older ladies and I had no choice but to remain in the pool until the end of the class.
Luckily, after 50 minutes the class came to an end and I was able carry back on with my swimming and try to pretend that nothing had happened. I also decided that if I was swimming and had my head under the water then the instructor would not be able to catch me and ask me why exactly I had decided to gatecrash an over 60s session and I would be able to escape trying to explain that the older ladies had seemed to decide to band together and stop me from leaving. 
So, having now taken part in my first, and well last, aquaerobics session I can safely say that it is not the sport for me. Not just for the fact that I had been criticised by an older lady for my lack of co-ordination, the tidal waves that were created by the jumping that kept making me giggle but also the fact that it is rather embarrassing when the instructor asks you to stand on one leg and it is me that fall over and not the older ladies.
Now back to job hunting.

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