Sunday, 27 January 2013

Fun-employment 6 - The Job Centre III

Another week and another trip to the Job Centre. Now since my first and most memorable trip there my subsequent visits have improved, however it was during this trip that one of my worst fears came into fruition. It was suggested I become a spy.

I arrived at this appointment on time and will all the relevant documents I needed. My first problem came when I tried to sign in for my appointment and was told that the person I was due to see was not there. This was then followed by an incriminating and searching look and the question 'why exactly are you here?' Having conquered the dragon at the gate, so to speak, I was in and sat waiting for my session.

This time I saw yet another adviser who began by asking me how my job hunt was going then moved on to ask about my education. It was very much with baited breath that I began to explain about my educational qualifications and waited for the question; 'What's a Masters?' Luckily this time my adviser knew and gave me an impressed look. This was then followed by questions about my work history etc once I had finished telling them my employment history there was a somewhat quizzical expression on my advisers face as they then asked 'so, if you have an MA, speak Russian and have previous work experience, why exactly are you unemployed?' To which I resisted the urge to reply 'well if I knew that then I wouldn't bloody be in here would I?!?!' Remembering that the box releasing my JSA had yet to be ticked I decided that this was very much one occasion where speaking my mind was definitely NOT a good plan.

Once my inquisition was over it was on to my personal favourite section of any trip to the Job Centre - The 'Let's check our database and find jobs for you' section. After looking at the the types of work that I was looking for my adviser got quite excited as there had just been some jobs sent through that morning that fitted with my  profile. Based upon previous trips and previous recommendations my expectations for this sessions' jobs was not exactly high and, as it turns out, I was right not to get my hopes up. 

This sessions recommendations were to apply for a 'writing job' at an Art Gallery (this turned out to have nothing at all to do with writing), a 'languages job' with the Police (the only language needed for said job was English and you didn't get to actively work with any uniformed policemen), and *drum roll please* MI6, which was accompanied by the comment 'so... you speak Russian, have you thought about a job at MI6? They're looking for interpretators, you're one of them you should go for it.'

While the final part of the statement was lovely to hear the rest of it produced two reactions in me; the first was a series of flashbacks to my sessions at another Job Centre where each week it was recommended that I apply to GCHQ, and two a confusion by the word 'interpretators'. Was this some new buzz word that was a contraction of 'translator' and 'interpreter'? Or was this merely a bastardisation of the English language. As it turns out it was the later.

After being rather unhelpfully advised on the next stages of my career path I was set two tasks for the next week; to follow the Job Centre on Twitter, not the hilarious spoof one but the actual one, and two to use the Universal Job Match site to find jobs. An experience that in itself merits its own post.

The job search continues...

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