Dear Rob Snow,
I would like to congratulate you on having the ability to piss off the whole of London in a few short hours by having yet another of your useless strikes. In case you haven't noticed they've not worked. This is now the 6th in the space of one year and your petty and unrealistic demands have not been met. Jokes on you because each time they happen my line and station stay open and actually work better than normal, so thanks for that.
Just as a heads up I hear that driverless trains have been trialled and actually work better than manned trains. Congratulations on making your role in life obsolete.
Dear Yellow Cell Phones,
In an earlier call you asked why I decided to leave your network so I am writing to tell you exactly why. Firstly, whenever I call it takes a minimum of 20 minutes to talk to a human, then you stick me on hold and play me bloody Girls Allowed for another 20 minutes. Secondly you told me that my contract was coming to an end then tried to charge me £30 for not informing you that I was leaving. Thirdly you offered me a terrible renewal contract on a hideous phone then told me two weeks later that you'd offer me any deal I wanted. Fourthly I was not pleased to find out that even though my contract had ended you decided to bill me for another month's worth of airtime but didn't tell me so I didn't use it.
On your bills you told me that you had been awarded 'Best mobile phone company of the year', I personally fail to see how this ever could have happened unless your service was better in the past. Just as a heads up it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever return to your network.
P.S. If you want the money that I apparently owe you then come and find me!