Sunday, 23 January 2011

One for the weekend

I read about thie video online and decided it was worth a share as it's hilarious.

The moral of the story here is if you're going to streak make sure the door is open.

Saturday, 22 January 2011

Imaginary Letters (2)

Here's the next couple:
Letter 3:
Dear Rob Snow,
I would like to congratulate you on having the ability to piss off the whole of London in a few short hours by having yet another of your useless strikes. In case you haven't noticed they've not worked. This is now the 6th in the space of one year and your petty and unrealistic demands have not been met. Jokes on you because each time they happen my line and station stay open and actually work better than normal, so thanks for that.
Just as a heads up I hear that driverless trains have been trialled and actually work better than manned trains. Congratulations on making your role in life obsolete.

Letter 4:
Dear Yellow Cell Phones,
In an earlier call you asked why I decided to leave your network so I am writing to tell you exactly why. Firstly, whenever I call it takes a minimum of 20 minutes to talk to a human, then you stick me on hold and play me bloody Girls Allowed for another 20 minutes. Secondly you told me that my contract was coming to an end then tried to charge me £30 for not informing you that I was leaving. Thirdly you offered me a terrible renewal contract on a hideous phone then told me two weeks later that you'd offer me any deal I wanted. Fourthly I was not pleased to find out that even though my contract had ended you decided to bill me for another month's worth of airtime but didn't tell me so I didn't use it.
On your bills you told me that you had been awarded 'Best mobile phone company of the year', I personally fail to see how this ever could have happened unless your service was better in the past. Just as a heads up it'll be a cold day in hell before I ever return to your network.
P.S. If you want the money that I apparently owe you then come and find me!

Friday, 21 January 2011

Imaginary Letters (1)

This post is the first in a series about 'imaginary letters', it may sound a bit strange but imaginary letters are the letter you wish you could write to someone but can't. This is either because you are afraid to or because social decorum dictates that you shouldn't. Often I have found when writing a letter of complaint I want to write the angriest letter possible and try to shame the person reading into apologising. However social decorum means that rather than writing 'Dear Useless, Incompetent 'Bankers' at X' you write 'Dear Sir/Madam'.
Whenever I write a letter of complaint I draw up my first 'angry' draft, save it, leave it then edit it a few hours later when I have calmed down. Usually when I re-read them the first versions cause me to laugh so I thought that as this week is supposed to be the most depressing of the year I would share a few of them with you. In most cases the names of the companies have been changed just in case the CEO of the company reads it and tries to sue me :P Anyways I hope you enjoy this mini series and I hope it cheers you up as much as it did me.

Letter 1:
Dear Speak-Speak Internet,
You are utterly useless. I have an Internet connection with you and it's crap. It literally will only work when it feels like and not when I need it. It would lovely if you could provide me with a consistent, working Internet connection being as you are my Internet service PROVIDER. In fact your service is so bad you are actually making CV look good! I pay you to provide me with Internet so it might actually be nice if you lot did your job properly and made it work. If I made these sorts of cock ups at work I'd be fired.
If this happens again I will be coming to your head office so consider yourself warned!
Yours, Laura.

Letter 2:
Dear Various Indistinguishable Rapper,
Just thought you might like to know that in English there are in fact 26 letters in the alphabet. It would be nice if you could try and use all of them when speaking, rapping or 'singing'. There is also a thing called Grammar. It would be even nicer if you used this too.
Yours, Laura

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Evolving English

Earlier in the week I was lucky enough to be able to attend the 'Evolving English' exhibition at the British Library. The exhibition begins with a history of how English came to be formed as a language and where the various different peoples that have influenced the language came from. The rest of the exhibition contains examples of spelling and grammar showing how it was taught to children in bygone days. The exhibition also included interactive displays where you can hear examples of English spoken in different accents and dialects. Overall I found the exhibition fascinating and would recomend it to anyone inclined towards being a linguonaut.
One of the exhibitions that I found very interesting was one based on television sketches about language and the mispronouciation of them. Examples included Monty Python, the Two Ronnies and this delightful one by Harry Enfield;

Entrance to the exhibition is free and it runs until February. So go along and check it out!

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Happy New Year!

A belated Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to you all! For those of you who missed it here are the fireworks from last night's display in London:

I hope that 2011 will an even better year than 2010 and that all the things that you hope for will happen!