1. My political leanings have changed, I feel that the only party to truly reflect my views is UKIP, as a Euro sceptic I feel that I will be most at home there. The Tories have some lovely lovely looking guys but I'm sorry Robert Kilroy-Silk and that Nick Farge are just too hot to resist.
2. I have learnt the error of my ways after two years of being a student; alcohol only leads to sadness and pain, as of today I am totally tee-total, that's right no more Gordon's, Pimms or Port. It's tap water, J2O and coke from here on in.
3. Despite appearances I am a man hating feminist, all those times that I have spent in the pub flirting with you guys was all a farce, an ironic farce. In short I hate you! You're sole purpose in society is for us woman to having babies. If I had my way you would simply be chained up in our basements and only visited when we women wanted kiddies.
Some of this may come as quite a shock but I am sorry it's just how I feel.